


A Long Time Ago We Used To Be Friends

by Skarias



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Enemies to Friends, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-03-20 13:53:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18993934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skarias/pseuds/Skarias
Summary: When Adora ventures forth to rescue Catra from Beast Island, she isn't sure what she'll find, but she's more determined than ever to find her former friend.





	1. Welcome to Beast Island

Beast Island was a bit of a dump.

Which shouldn't have come as  a surprise, really, but somehow it still did. A few days ago Adora hadn't even known that it actually existed in the first place, and now she was walking among dead trees and skeletons of animals that had shared the same fate years or even millennia ago.

_"You can't be serious, Ado- you're serious about this, aren't you? You don't even know what's on that island! What if it's a trap? What if this is another one of her games?" Glimmer practically tripped over her own words as the trio made their way through the all but empty corridors of the castle._

Being on the Island in person was almost surreal, like opening the big, scary wardrobe in the middle of the night only to find that there really wasn't a terrifying monster inside. And just like the wardrobe, Beast Island seemed to be all smoke and mirrors - at least as far as the Beast part was concerned.

_"Why don't we take some time and sleep over it?" Bow had suggested, which were the first words he spoke ever since Adora had shared her plans to look for her frie-, for Catra, on Beast Island. "Tomorrow we'll make a decision, with clearer heads, alright?" Adora had nodded then, but she never was particularly good at waiting._

The stories the other kids told her in her in the Fright Zone had made this place out to be a nightmare made flesh. Beasts bigger than a house with razor sharp teeth longer than your forearm and eyes like burning flames.

The only beasts Adora had encountered were the vermin and rodents scurrying between her feet. So far she had only screamed once, when she had first realized that the place practically crawled with them, and she was rather proud of herself for holding it together after that.

Get Catra, and get out. Simple.

_"You know that this little plan of yours is completely insane, right?" Swift Wind had asked rather groggily after Adora had woken him in the middle of the night. "Of course you do."_

_"We've got… we've got a lot of history. I just want to make sure she's okay."_

_And that was all it had taken for them to soar through the blackened skies, ever forward to the place of nightmares and monsters._

They had spend the last two days on the island, and so far they'd neither found Catra nor anyone else. Her steed was somewhere high above, scouting ahead and making sure nothing crept up on them. The sun had begun to set some time ago, and the looming twilight made it difficult to see much further than a few meters down in the forest.

She was about to call Swift Wind and set up camp for the night, when something sparked her attention. There was a light, small and wavering and barely noticeable behind the thick flora of the jungle. But there was a light.

Adora cut through the underbrush with newfound energy, the light becoming ever more vivid the closer she got. It was a fire, she realized, just as she found herself at the entrance to a cave. The insides were colored orange, and shadows skipped across the walls all the way to the ceiling that was barely taller than herself.

"Hello? Is there anyo-" Adora wanted to call out, but the words were firmly cemented in her throat. She had left the opening passage behind which had inevitably funneled her into a room with an almost comically high ceiling. The walls seemed like they themselves were on fire from the bonfire that flickered in the room's center.

But that wasn't what made her throat go dry, no. What made Adora, _the_ She-Ra, hesitate to take another step forward was the lone figure lying on the makeshift cot on the other end of the cave. Catra's clothes had been torn and patched up, only to have been torn again. Bruises and cuts dotted her arms like star constellations.

"Figures it'd be you who'd find me," she said, not bothering to look at Adora and instead having her eyes pointed at the ceiling. "Guess the Horde really doesn't care that their prisoners escape in this place. Certain death and all that."

"Catra," Adora said, taking a hesitant step forward. When the other girl made no effort to stop her, she came closer to her cot. "We can get you out of here. Away from this place and back to-"

"Back to where exactly, Adora?" Catra interrupted her. "To the Horde that wants me gone? Or to you, who abandoned me? Maybe you'd like me in chains for your little friends in the Rebellion?"

Adora had expected to be met with venom, but it still hurt to hear the words from someone she thought she had once known better than herself. "I don't care where you go," _lie,_  "but you can't stay here, if the Horde doesn't get you, the things that live in this place will."

She had come expecting a multitude of outcomes, mainly dismissal and outright disregard. What she hadn't thought of was getting laughed at.

"You still don't get it, do you? Not even after all this time?" Catra asked. Turning to lie on her side and face Adora for the first time since she had entered the cave. "I don't need you, or  anyone else on this planet. I don't need a savior to swoop in and rescue the damsel. I'm just fine by myself, I always was."

And then, for what was perhaps the first time ever, Adora understood. "Yeah, you don't need a savior," she said and sat down next to Catra on the cot. "But I think you could use a friend just about now." 

The laugh was back, and Adora could feel rather than see Catra flinch away from her trying to touch her. "You wouldn't understand. And how could you? You're Adora after all. Flawless, bloody perfect Adora."

A beat of silence stretched through the room, and then it was Adora's turn to burst into laughter. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she wheezed through giggles. "But Catra, you're being ridiculous."

"How am _I_ being ridiculous? Have you forgotten _you're_ the one wearing the tiara?"

"I'm as far away from perfect as it gets. I'm a mess, Catra, and half the time I'm not even sure I'm good enough to be called that," Adora explained. Something changed in the way Catra studied her, but she couldn't put her finger on it and dismissed the thought again. 

There was another long moment of silence until Catra finally lifted her head. "What happened to us, Adora?" , she looked up to meet Adora's gaze.

"I don't know, Cat, but I really don't like it," Adora shook her head, thinking about when exactly it had stopped being Catra and Adora against the world.

"Huh, at least we've still got a little in common," Catra mused, this time she didn't move away when Adora placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. "And that's something, isn't it?"


	2. Past, Present and Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was asked to continue this, so have fun with some more Catradora! (and as it turns out I still had some thoughts about those two, so thanks for letting me use that as an excuse.)

One would think that waking up in the strangest of places would get easier with time. One likely also hasn’t woken up inside a damp cave in the middle of an up-until-recently-mythical island somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

Adora hated waking up alone, always had, and always will. It made her feel like she’d overslept her alarm and everyone else was already awake and training under the watchful eyes of their superiors. And you didn’t want to be late to your training, especially whenever Shadow Weaver was to supervise your group. That usually didn’t end too well for everyone involved.

That had been Adora’s live until recently, and it would never not feel weird to think about what would’ve happened to her if she had chosen to stay in the Fright Zone. With the Horde. With her team. With Catra.

Catra who now was sitting just a few feet away, looking out over the surrounding treetops. They’d just made their way onto the top of the small mountain over their little cave hideout, and the view was more than worth the effort. They could see for miles and miles over the endless blues of the open sea and the wild forests running deep into the heart of the island. Neither of them had spoken more than a few short words at a time today, and it didn’t seem like that fact was subject to change anytime soon.

What was more worrying, however, was that she still hadn’t heard anything from Swift Wind. Adora still didn’t fully understand their connection, but if she was supposed to feel his presence, she was failing spectacularly at that part. _He’ll turn up_ , she tried to reassure herself, _just give him a little more time_.

Next to her, Catra rolled onto her back, no longer watching the island below them and instead looking heavensward into an all but cloudless sky. There was something odd about this side of Catra, the side that didn’t jump around, or talk fast enough that she forgot what she was even on about half way through her argument, or the side that made her fling herself head first into danger every chance she got. In times like these it was more like looking into a queer mirror, a version of herself that might’ve been had things gone differently.

An image of Catra in a red cape, a white skirt and a golden tiara flickered through Adora’s head, and she couldn’t stop herself from grinning at the thought. Maybe she didn’t want to stop herself, either.

But that just wouldn’t be Catra now, would it? Not really, anyway. It was a silly idea, and that’s what it always will be. Because in the end, Catra would stay Catra. Catra who had done everything in her power to reduce the Rebellion to rubble, and almost succeeded in doing so. Catra who threatened Glimmer, and Bow, and all her other friends. Catra who was with the horde. Catra who-

Catra whowas exiled.

Catra who protected her. Catra who she grew up with. Catra who had been her best friend. Catra who saved her life.

“What’cha smiling about?” Catra asked, and the words cut through her thoughts like a hot knife through butter. She was watching her now, her eyes doing that thing again where they were stuck somewhere between predator and… _and what, exactly, Adora?_

“Nothing,” the response was instinctive, and usually reserved for people she didn’t know well enough to feel comfortable sharing her thoughts with. Adora didn’t know whether Catra classified as that or not, and she didn’t know what would scare her more if it were to come true. “Just thinking about some stuff,” Adora adds after a moment. What she wouldn’t give for someone to tell her what to do or what to say to get them out of this limbo of silence and one-syllable answers.

Her mind wandered back to the day before, like it had done all the other times today. _At least we still got something in common,_ the Catra in her head said, _And that’s something, isn’t it?_

Was it? And if it was, what exactly was this _it_ she couldn’t find words for? Did Catra know what it was? Or was she just as clueless as Adora herself?

“Did someone tell you that?” Adora asked after another moment, her mind still racing through yesterday’s events.

“What?”

“What you said yesterday. That I’m flawless, or _bloody perfect_ , how you put it,” Adora wasn’t sure where she was going with this, but since there still was no magical spirit that held up signs that told her what to say, she had try something. Anything. Because there were many words Adora would describe herself with, but those certainly weren’t it.

"You don't want to have this conversation right now, trust me," Catra tried to stop her.

"But I do, Cat. I feel like- like I don't even know who you are anymore!" Adora didn't mean for the word to come out as angry or as loud as they did, but they did anyway. She didn't care anymore.

“No one did,” Catra said finally, more hesitant than before. Adora was about to respond, if nothing else just to keep the silence at bay and stop them from falling back into the limbo, when Catra surprised her and continued not a moment later. “But you know what Shadow Weaver thought of you, or the other cadets back in the Fright Zone. Hordak probably thought the same thing, but that guy wouldn’t give someone honest praise if his life was depending on it.” there was an almost-smile that tucked at her lips.

“I’m sorry, Cat,” Adora said and didn’t move. If it were anyone else on the other side of that platform she could go over to them and crush them in a hug, tell them that it’ll be alright. That everything would be okay again. She hated that she couldn’t do that now, hated that she would only get pushed away. If not by Catra, then by her own stupid stubbornness.

“Not your fault,” Catra mumbled, her voice hardly louder than the wind whipping around them.

“What?”

“I said it’s not your fault, Adora,” Catra said. “I wanted it to be your fault for a long time, and yesterday that stuff just all came back up again. Honestly, I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

“Cat, I-” Adora tried, but was cut short.

“Please just let me finish, okay? I’m not sure I’ll ever have the guts to say this again,” the almost smile was back, but was gone again just as quickly. “I had a lot of time to think about everything after the Horde dumped me in this place. And I’m still not sure about a lot of things, but that much I know. It wasn’t your fault.”

Small droplets of tears were beginning to form at the edges of her eyes. Catra continued. “Just once I wanted to hear them say ‘Good job, Catra.’ or ‘Well done, Catra.’ without them thinking that you would’ve done the same thing better and twice as fast,” she wiped a sleeve full of tears from her eyes, only for them to be replaced a moment later, “All I wanted was for her to see us as ‘Adora and Catra’, instead of ‘Adora, and Catra’. And she couldn’t even give me that.”

“I was so tired of only being tolerated because I was close to you, all I ever was to them was some necessary evil that they kept around because they had to, because they wanted you. So I blamed you, because it was easy, and… and  I guess I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

Catra didn’t apologize, that was one of the first things that Adora had learned about her. If there was a list about what Catra didn't do, 'Not apologizing' would be at the top, encircled with a few red crayons for emphasis. Catra broke things, and hurt people sometimes, sure, but she never apologized for it. She’d avoid them, or blame someone else for it. But Catra certainly didn’t apologize, especially not to Adora. Especially not to Adora after everything they did to each other.

But she did, and maybe that, too, was simply one of those somethings Catra seemed to know so much about. And whatever that something was, it was likely magical, as it let Adora breathe again. It let her move again. She didn’t exactly remember how it happened, but what she knew is that Catra was in her arms, her head buried in her, now soaked, shoulder and holding on. And they would keep holding on, because that’s what kept them above water growing up together. And just maybe it’d do the trick again.

That night Adora dreamt of Catra in a tiara, swinging a magic sword, and somehow that thought didn’t seem as far off as it had just a few days ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Pride y'all!


	3. The Pretend Game

It took them three more days before they fell back into old habits. And Adora was falling, it was scary just how fast she was falling. But maybe falling was all they could do, to return to an old pattern of familiar jokes and jabs, something natural, something simple. The last few days had been almost nice, if one were to ignore the obvious, and with every passing hour it became harder to put a label on Catra. Sometimes they laughed and talked and there she was, the girl she used to know. And a moment later she was distant and cold, and it only served as a reminder that maybe that person wasn't there anymore.

But it was easy to pretend, pretend that the last months simply hadn’t happened, that they had been nothing more than a series of bad dreams. Pretend they hadn’t been on opposite sides of a war, pretend....pretend that they still were in one piece after being torn apart over and over again.

What did that make her, exactly? If it was meant to make her feel weak, it didn't. If it was meant to make her feel alone, it didn’t. All it did was remind her of the alternative, and that just wouldn’t do.

It didn’t always work, of course, and there were still times when the occasional silence between them turned from comfortable to deafening in a matter of seconds. Moments in which Adora caught Catra staring at her out of the corner of her eye whenever she thought she wasn’t looking. Brief flashes of panic that made her want nothing more than just to turn around and run as far away as she she could, something quite impossible given their current circumstances. But they'd keep pretending, and Adora only hoped that one day, they wouldn't have to anymore.

“Found anything?” Catra asked, they’ve just rendezvoused at their cave-turned-temporary-home after yet another fruitless exploration of the surrounding wildlands. The shade it offered was a welcome change from the soul crushing heat that enveloped the world beyond these walls.

“Nothing,” Adora sighed, they’d spend the better part of the last three days looking for Swift Wind, and in all that time they found exactly nothing to even hint at where he ended up. “What if we don’t find him?” doubt flickered through her thoughts, and as much as she tried, she couldn’t shut it out.

“We will,” Catra tried to reassure her, “The Island’s big, sure, but he couldn’t have just vanished into thin air. We’ll find him,” Adora wasn’t sure what made her say that, her pride or what was left of her compassion. But whatever it was, she was grateful for it in either case.

_Where are you?_ Adora tried to reach out through whatever bond it was that had held them together up until now,  _I can’t do this alone. Where are you?_ Maybe it was this island, or that she simply hadn’t gotten enough sleep last night (which wasn’t all that difficult. considering that ‘quiet’ didn’t exist on Beast Island), but Adora felt like she was thrown back to square one. Leaning against the stone walls she let herself drop to the ground and closed her eyes.  _Did the She-Ras that came before me struggle as much as I did? Did Mara?_ She didn’t get an answer, and why would she?

Or perhaps she did, and the universe was just feeling particularly hilarious today, because as soon as she finished that thought, the sound of snapping trees echoed through the forest and pulled her back into reality.

Catra was on her feet before Adora, and already darted toward the exit of the cave when Adora reached for her sword and quickly followed suit. Following the sounds from within the jungle was easy enough, considering that both the noise of crushed wood and the occasional bone-shaking roar were more than loud enough to wake up everyone - and everything - on the island.

They cut through the underbrush like a boat through the waves of the open sea, and soon enough they found the source of the chaos.

“You know, maybe those stories they used to tell us weren’t as far off as we always thought.”

“You can say that again,” before them stood a creature that reminded Adora of the monster they fought when she first found She-Ra’s sword in in the Whispering Woods. Although that description wasn’t entirely accurate, considering this one was about double in size, with a few extra limbs just to keep things interesting. What looked like an aimless flailing of clawed arms and legs at first quickly made sense once her eyes caught the creature’s target.

“Swift Wind!” Adora realized, her voice not nearly loud enough to reach him. And even if it did, he had his hands - or hooves - full with trying to avoid being squashed by an oversized bug the size of a building.

“Didn’t you say you had a  _flying_ horse?”

“Something’s wrong, we gotta help him,” Adora reached for the sword on her back just in time to spot a familiar glimmer flash in Catra’s eyes.

“And here I was thinking you’d never say that,” Catra grinned, “C'mon, the bigger they are, the harder they fall. And I really wanna see that guy hit the ground.”

Catra rushed past her, heading right for the creature. Adora lifted her sword high into the air, she didn’t have to think about what came next, the words came all but automatically. Like an instinct she had only realized recently but known about all her life.

“For the honor of Grayskull!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter this week cuz' I was super busy.
> 
> Also, Baldur's Gate II, wooh!


	4. The Thing About Perspective

 

She-Ra was a whirlwind, a flashy, ferocious tempest of steel and fire, there really was no other way to describe what Catra saw playing out before her eyes. Adora had caught up with her in matter of seconds, _She-Ra, not Adora, She-Ra_ \- the longer she stayed on this godforsaken island the harder it became to separate the two of them. Catra couldn’t wait to get away from this place. Away from the Horde. Away from the Alliance. Away from She-Ra and the thoughts she hadn’t any intentions of confronting any time soon.

But there were more pressing matters, matters with far too many limbs for her taste and an appetite for magical horse. Said horse had apparently spotted them, most of his body covered in a mixture of vines and mud that clung to his frame even as he vaulted over fallen-over trees and ducked to avoid the creature that showed no intention of relenting. She-Ra was right beside him now, trying to get the creature’s attention while simultaneously attempting to free Swift Wind from his restraints. She-Ra needed help. More importantly, Adora needed help.

Catra darted on top of the nearest tree and leapt. It was instinct, no plan or precaution, just instinct. She hung in the air, and for a moment she feared she wouldn’t make it, but just as gravity tried to catch up to her she got a grip on _something_ on the creatures side and held on. _Hold on, just hold on_. Her claws dug into the scales, and even as her arm threatened to spring right out of its socket, Catra held on, swinging her other arm upwards and pulling herself higher. Ever upwards, pull by muscle-stinging pull. She looked down, only to see She-Ra still struggling with the bindings. _She just doesn’t give up, does she?_

She was right on top of the beast now, holding on with her claws even as it tried to shake her off. Moving was painfully slow, but after what felt like hours she finally got to the front, right above its eyes - or what she assumed to be it’s eyes, anyway. It was kind of hard to tell, with there being six of the bloody things and all that. There was no time for a better plan, and ideas weren’t exactly flowing right now, so she placed her trust in her instincts again. Her claws reflected the sunlight as she lifted her right arm, and hammered it right inside one of the creature’s eyes. 

The next moments were a blur. She remembers a startled scream, the ground beneath her feet shaking like there was an earthquake, and then she remembers falling. Catra had fallen from a lot of places, most of the time intentional, and all of those times had something in common; the impact. The moment in which she ultimately collided with the ground and had to make the best of whatever improvised landing was possible. But this time the impact simply never came. She opened her eyes, looking around only to find herself looking back into Adora’s— She-Ra’s eyes. Why was the ground still moving? Catra finally looked down, discovering that they were hovering in the air. On a horse. A flying horse. With rainbows for wings. Of course. 

“See? Flying horse. I told you.”

“Yeah, yeah, knock it off.” Catra shook her head, freeing herself from She-Ra’s grasp and settling in behind her. The moment she was behind her, She-Ra changed back into Adora, her form shrinking, her clothes and her hair changing back into a familiar shape and size. 

“If you’re all done up there,” she heard a new voice, “Would you mind telling me where in the world you have been?” it took Catra another moment to realize where that voice came from.

“Wait a minute. Your horse can talk?”

“Horse has a name, too, believe it or not. You must be Catra, I see why Adora likes you so much, you have the same talent for stating the blatantly obvious.” Catra wanted to respond, but didn’t know what to say, instead she settled for silence. “So anyway, now that the tearful reunion is over, where you wanna go? And please tell me it’s as far away from this island as possible.”

They were already high in the air, the island shrinking quickly behind them, when Adora spoke up. “I’d say we head straight for Bright Moon, but…” she trailed off, Catra didn’t need Adora to look at her to know what she was waiting for.

“Just drop me off somewhere outside Horde territory, I can take care of the rest.”

“You don’t have to-”

“To what? What do you want me to do? Come to Bright Moon with you and pretend I’m best friend with Glitter and the other Princesses? Because we both know that’s not going to happen.”

“Guys-” Swift Wind tried to interject, but was cut off.

“I…I know, but I thought that-”

“Guys!” this time both Catra and Adora jumped, and looked straight ahead, only to see a giant, red cloud right ahead of them. Swift Wind tried to dodge, making them take a nose dive to the ground, but the cloud hit them just as they were about to outrun it. In front of her she saw Adora stiffen up for a moment before relaxing again, the sword dropping out of her hand and sliding right off the back of the horse. Catra caught it just as it was about to tumble into the abyss below. The blue in the crystal was replaced by red, just like that time in the tundra. 

“Adora?” Catra tried, but didn’t get a response, “Adora?!” she grabbed her shoulder, turning her around only to find that same disconnected expression she had been delighted to see not that long ago. Now she felt the opposite, a pool of dread growing inside her stomach.

“You’re… you’re like really pretty. Has anyone ever told you that? Because it’s true, really.”

“I’m fine, too, thanks for asking.” Swift Wind coughed, patches of his wings having turned red.

“Great, Adora in this state is… useless,” she really couldn’t think of any other word to describe her? “Listen, magic horse, can you just drop me off once we see land? You can take Adora to Bright Moon after, but I’m not stepping a foot in that castle.”

“Yeah, about that… you see those little red spots all over me? I don’t think I’ll be able to take off again if we land anytime soon. We’re heading home, like it or not. Adora needs help.”

“Fly a little lower, then? I’ll jump off if I have to.” Swift Wind didn’t barge, on the contrary, they actually seemed to fly even higher than they had before. “You can’t- you can’t do this!”

“Watch me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's not dead?


	5. Bright Moon

There was little sense in trying to keep track of time, which didn’t stop Catra from trying. It had given her something to keep her mind occupied, at the very least - something other than what would happen in the next hours, what she would do once there was solid ground beneath her feet and she had found the opening she was hoping for. It didn’t help that the flight itself was excruciatingly boring, with neither Swift Wind nor herself having any interest in small talk and Adora’s state not having changed at all, there wasn’t all that much to do but watch the sun run its course as they soared over the plains of Etheria.

  
It was dark, now, the sun having long vanished behind the rows of distant mountaintops, and she found it impossible to tell whether they had been flying for minutes, hours or days. Years, Catra decided after another long moment in which the only sound that could be heard through the darkness was the rhythmic beating of wings. It definitely felt like years.

  
The first time the runestone comes into view, Catra isn’t sure whether she’s really awake or had somehow managed to fall asleep. She had never really looked at Bright Moon before, sure she knew the layout, structures weaknesses, and had spent long hours studying the plans of the surrounding area before fighting the battle that felt like a lifetime ago. But looking at it now, the giant, glowing runestone casting the spire in silver light that made it look almost ethereal, Catra felt like this was the first time she ever saw the place.

  
Seeing Bright Moon brought back memories, too, with most of them being bad and better forgotten than relived. The failure that had sent her life spiraling out of control, every misstep and mistake afterwards only adding to the crumbling facade, everything she had worked so hard for.

  
The world around her is shaking, and it takes Catra a moment to realize that they’ve landed, not all too gracefully, somewhere near the castle. Adora is still right in front of her on Swift Wind’s back, who is lying on the ground and almost certainly already asleep, with one arm snaked around her stomach to make sure Adora doesn’t accidentally fall off in the state she’s in.

  
Catra’s legs felt wobbly and weak the second she tries to stand, the muscles in her lower body having apparently been replaced by pudding that would’ve made her stumble if she hadn’t held onto the nearest wall with every bit of strength she could muster. A wall that began to move, a wall that struggled against her weight, a wall that was anything but solid. “Bow, is it?” Catra breathed, pushing herself backwards and helping Adora to her feet. “It’s been too long, really.”

  
“Not nearly long enough,” said Sparkle, appearing next to the other Rebel and looking every bit as scornful as Catra remembered her. She couldn’t exactly blame her, either. “What are you doing here, Catra?”

  
“Wasn’t my first choice either,” she took the sword from behind Adora’s back and showed it to the other princess, who took a step back once she recognized the familiar red glow. It wasn’t as prominent as it had been hours ago, but enough of whatever the First Ones had left behind remained to keep Adora under, and the crystal red. “But I didn’t exactly have a choice in the matter.”

  
“What did you do to her?” Shimmer demanded, her fist flaring up with a surge of energy that didn’t die down until Bow reached for her arm.

  
“I didn’t do anything,” Catra was too exhausted for games, and the longer she stood the more she felt Adora’s weight press down on her.

  
“You’re lying.”

  
“You know, I really didn’t think I’d say that, but this time it wasn't Catra’s fault.” Swift Wind yawned, poking his head up to look at them. “B’sides, Adora seemed to trust her - and I don’t know about you, but that’s good enough for me.”

  
“You allright? You look pretty... battered.” Bow asked.

  
“Fine, I’m fine, peachy, really. I just need to lie down for a mome-” he was back asleep before he could finish his sentence.

  
“Look, I don't wanna be here anymore than you want me here. I just want to make sure that Adora is-” what exactly, Catra? Safe? Secure? “gonna be okay.”  _You’d still be stuck on that island it it weren’t for her._

  
“It’s not like Catra could go anywhere anyway.” Bow argued, pointing at the area surrounding the castle that was clouded in complete darkness. “She’s not gonna make it through the Woods like this.”

  
There was a pause, in which Catra considered making for the Woods despite Bow’s warnings, but before she could make a decision she heard Twinkle’s voice. “Fine, she can stay. For one night.”

  
“How generous.” Catra deadpanned.

  
Something between a groan and a grunt left Glitter's lips, then she’s gone, leaving the three of them standing outside.

  
“Okay.” Bow laughed, clearly uncomfortable. “Why don’t we head inside and pretend like this is normal? All in agreement?” he didn’t wait for an answer. “Perfect! Let’s go.”

  
Catra let herself be led through corridor after corridor, that all looked the same to her, until they came to a stop at one of the hundreds of doors that all looked alike. Bow opened the door, then hesitated. “This is Adora’s room. Look, it’s the middle of the night and I'm really not in the mood for knocking on doors until we find an empty room. You okay with staying here?”

  
“I...I”  _what is wrong with me?_  “I mean, sure, of course.” He gave her a questioning look, but if he had anything to say he didn't comment on it. Nodding, he turned around and walked off into the darkness. Catra let out a breath and looked down at Adora, her chest gently rising and falling and eyes closed. “What the hell am I doing?”

 _I don't belong here._ _I don't belong here._ _I don't belong here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really worried I'd run out of stupid nicknames to call Glimmer by the end of the chapter.  
> If y'all would excuse me, I've got life choices to contemplate.


	6. Starless Nights

Sleep tended to elude Catra, and this night didn’t look like It'd to be any different. Not to say that she wasn't dead tired, by the time Bow left and let them to their own devices, and Adora was already fast asleep on her bed, Catra's whole body was just about to give up. But there was that crucial difference between tired and being able to sleep that kept her awake. Her mind was racing, and it didn't help that she felt like looking over her shoulder every few minutes just to make sure they were still alone. 

She sat in one of the broad, carved-out windows of Adora's room, now, one leg dangling off the edge as her eyes slowly traced those buildings outside close enough to the runestone to stick out against the darkness. Every once in a while she would spot a lone patrol stalk the courtyard below, she wondered if they knew that she was here, maybe they did and simply didn't care. She had failed, after all, and no one needed to make sure to keep a failure in check.

The thought of running had come into mind the moment Catra had closed the door behind them, only to vanish not a moment later. Even if she could make her body push past the exhaustion, where would she go? Run into the Whispering Woods, alone and in the dark? And besides, she only knew the way back to the Horde, were there even places outside Bright Moon that the Horde hadn't overrun and conquered by now – and if there were, how would she get there in one piece? 

Her best bet would be to bide her time, at least for a little while, until she found something to run towards, some place to stay and wait out the storm that was sure to follow once Hordak's campaign began anew. And then what? She would hide in some hole with her tail between her legs until either the Horde or the Princesses were destroyed? No, she couldn't –  _ she wouldn't _ – do that. But what was the alternative? She couldn't seek revenge against the Horde all by herself, as much as she wanted to, and her presence here in the castle would only last until Adora's favor would inevitably run dry. 

Adora who almost got herself killed again because she just had to risk her own life to get Catra out of another bad situation, but that's just what Adora did, wasn't it? She'd swoop in and put everyone before herself. It was stupid, infuriating and yet, yet Catra couldn't shake the thought that Adora came back for  _ her _ . It was ridiculous, really, they weren't friends, they shouldn't even talk to each other. They were enemies, on two different sides of a war that was over and had only just begun all at once, but why then did Catra want to?  Why had she thrown away her victory when it had been close enough to grasp to save her so-called enemy? She would have never ended up on Beast Island, she would still be part of the Horde, she would have a home to go back to. 

And then, after everything, why hadn't she sent Adora away when she came to help her, when she offered to get her out of the mess that she caused by… by what? By being She-Ra? By getting herself captured and putting Catra in a position that she couldn't come out unscathed? But Catra hadn't regretted the decision she had made that day, she thought that she would, after all she betrayed everything that she thought she stood for, and if time somehow turned itself back to that exact moment, she would do the same thing all over again. 

And maybe that was the problem, the simple fact that she couldn't figure out what it was that she wanted. Payback, perhaps? Payback for Adora betraying the Horde, payback for leaving her behind, payback for everything Shadow Weaver put her through, payback for Hordak wanting her dead. But what if there was a way to get her revenge yet? She would figure out some way to talk herself into the Alliance's good graces and watch the Horde burn to ashes from the best seat in the house. She would be there when the Fright Zone crumbled to dust, she would be the one to make it so.

And who knew? After everything was said and done, and the world finally stopped tearing itself apart, maybe, just maybe she could look Adora in the eye again.


End file.
